This is so cool. Opening to today's chapter in our @sacredholidays devo & seeing this- what God has been teaching me about Himself- in print on the pages of a devotional I've been reading through. Wow. And more than that, to know that teen girls everywhere are opening their devotions & reading this exact same thing today. I don't know if I've ever been more aware of how real Gods grace & faithfulness truly is than in this moment today.
{Quick back story}: I didn't become a Christian until I was 16 & it wasn't but a year later that God called me to lay down art school & follow Him to Bible school. And when I asked God why- His words to me were "Because you're going to teach girls the Bible." In which I replied, "God, how am I supposed to teach? I can barely learn!" For those of you who don't know, (and many do not because I do not like to share often or in detail for fear that I will be viewed as incapable or slow), I was diagnosed with an abnormally severe case of ADD when I was 7 years old- a learning disorder we never knew would truly handicap my ability to learn & do certain things normally for the rest of my life. My ADD was so severe that without my medication, on paper I was cognitively testing only one level above clinical mental retardation. It was a chemical imbalance in my brain that would need to be medicated to keep up & function normally. That's not easy to hear from a doctor. Although I had absolutely always loved to learn & always loved going to school, my brain had trouble retaining new information at a normal rate as well as unlocking the information I would retain for tests. I needed my medication for everything & as school subjects got harder, I had to work much harder than the rest of my peers to keep up. It was a very confusing reality because I knew I was not dumb, it's just every time I would sit down to absorb new info or do normal tasks, things that took normal people 45 minutes, I would look up & see it had taken me 6 hours!!! & that happened every time! I even tried to go faster & it's like I never noticed the time pass. My brain would just spaz out & freeze up whenever I really needed to learn things & wouldn't perform like I needed it to. I got frustrated & attempted to do school without the modifications allotted for my condition & barely passed the 10th grade & was almost forced to be placed in Special Ed in result. There were many extracurricular things I couldn't be in or had to be benched for because my grades held me back, but it was never because I wasn't studying or trying. I had a minimal brain dysfunction & that's just the way it was. But what was odd- There was only one thing I didn't need my medication for, & that was with Art! My best subject was art & the only thing I felt my brain understood was art. I excelled in it & could go hours upon hours doing it without my focus ever being broken or my intelligence feeling stifled & I could do it fast. I began winning art contests as early as 4 years old. Art was the only thing I didn't need things modified for me to grasp it. In fact, even in the midst of being told I might need to be placed in Special Ed as a sophomore, I was winning regional Art competitions & the following year winning state competitions + being placed in the Accelerated Art Honors classes with the Seniors & doing all the advanced trips & activities they had to apply for. My Senior year I won a gold seal in the state of Texas for my Art among many other accolades & accomplishments & got a blessed scholarship to a renown Art School in the big city of Memphis! I began to learn that if I couldn't get my brain on standardized tests to reflect my passion, intelligence, drive, & skill I knew I had, then I would use my brain in art to get the job done. And so I made my way with my art & that was what I was going to do.... Until God called me to Bible school.
It was the summer before my sophomore year in college & I had already began art school in advanced classes because of my hard work & portfolio I broke my back to deliver to get into art school. I had all As & Bs & was thriving & for the first time in my life I didn't need modifications or medicine or help to do my school work. In 3 weeks I would return to Memphis to begin my 2nd year of art school & that's when God told me in my quiet time that morning- Jessica I want you to go to Union. (A very smart, private, non artsy endeavor of a call & one we both knew I was not clinically able to perform nor could ever get into even if I wanted to- bc these people weren't going to give me a scholarship for my art & my art wasn't going to get me anywhere in this place.) But God told me I was going to teach girls the Bible. I cried so hard those last 3 weeks of summer leading up to the very hard decision I was being called to make. Amidst my very real learning disability, amidst my novice in Christianity or that I had yet to read the Bible all the way through yet, amidst my lack for financial merit for academia, amidst my deep fear of what would happen to the only thing I had to offer- amidst it all, & of all things to pick from, God called me to the one thing we both knew I could not do. Yet His call never wavered.
The journey in Bible school has been a long one, a hard one, a distracted & scary one, one with many detours & then picked right back up again. Throughout this obstacle course, I have taught Sunday school girls & Bible studies & spoken at an array at different things & have "taught" the Bible to girls. I have seen Gods hand confirming what I heard Him ask me to give everything up & follow Him in faith for, nearly 8 years ago. But today, as I read this devotional among these other Bible teachers & I see my name beside it, I realize God meant what He said. There's something different about seeing it right here in print & knowing girls everywhere are reading it that makes my stomach drop like Moses' must have when God parted the Red Sea right before him & makes my heart say oh my, He truly was serious & my goodness He really did do it. The truth of the fact that God doesn't call the qualified, rather He qualifies the called, has never been more true to me than right now. God not only has carried me through Bible school, but He also did far more with my Art than I ever could have done myself. I think back to some of the refutations I told God when He told me I would teach girls the Bible, one of which was, "God, you know I am not book smart! You know my brain can't do this! I'm not good at this! I'm going to fail! I can't teach! I can barely learn!" It's been a long hard journey since that initial call but God has been faithful, & today, I smile because when I look at this teen girls devotional & see who's name is listed as author of today's chapter, I can't help but hear Gods voice over & over say: "Jessica, you will teach girls the Bible." God did just what He said He would. Many happy tears today. So many prayers that God would work in the hearts of every girl reading today to know this Eternal God is a God of His word & that His word is eternally true. God is faithful. What grace.
For more information about this devotional book &/ or how to purchase it, go to my shop at www.jessicakhaas.com ! For more information about the ministry of Sacred Holidays, visit www.sacredholidays.com !
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