Following God

What does it mean to follow God if you have no faith? What is faith if you are not following God? Hebrew 11:1 says, "Faith is the confidence in the things we hope for, the assurance of the things we cannot see." For a year and a half I have been attending Union University in Jackson TN and this blog has published many posts of how God has placed me here and how I have no idea what He has put me here for, how I have whined and squabbled over how clueless I am about what He is doing with me and how it makes no sense with my desire and ability to do art, nor does it make me happy that He has taken me to a place where everyone thinks differently, dresses differently, and acts differently than me. And if I haven't mentioned these things in such depth, I have been thinking of them this whole time and each post so far has been in some small or big way related to this season of my life, and has occurred right in the middle of this confusing hurricane. God called me to Union with an agenda, He asked me to give up art- the one and only thing I have ever really known how to do and do well. It took an immense amount of faith to follow God to Union, because following Him meant leaving my dream behind. I remember clear as day the remorse that took place in my soul when I realized God was serious about this calling. He meant it literally and His persistence and confirmation was ridiculously overwhelming. 

It began with a sermon from a new church that had a cool college service I wanted to try out. The preacher spoke about a young woman who was amazing at basketball, who had a full ride to an awesome university, her whole community was proud of her, her parents, everything was laid out perfectly, except out of no where God calls her into the ministry. He asks her to follow Him, to give up everything to follow Him. This girl stood at a major fork in the road with Jesus on one side and her dream on the other. Everything she had worked for her whole life, all the basketball practice and training she had experienced, all that she had achieved, all the obstacles she had overcome, everything she had known- God called her to leave it all and follow Him. The Lord had spoke a word over her and called her to trust Him, and she did. She gave it all up. She didn't take the full ride scholarship for basketball, and she handed over her dream of ever playing it big time, even though she had so much potential. Everyone was shocked. She was ridiculed and thought to be an idiot. She had everything, but she chose Jesus instead, and today that same girl has a ministry and speaks to people everywhere about God. The story was awesome, and after the preacher finished telling it, he asked us all to bow our heads and close our eyes. I do not remember exactly how it was prompted, but I do remember that God spoke to me and said, "Jessica, what have you not given up for me?" I was shocked, and I remember replying to God, "What do you mean Lord, I have given you everything. What are you talking about?" and God replied, "Art." Again I was shocked. I replied almost sarcastically, "What do you mean God? Art is like my blonde hair- it is apart of me, I can't sacrifice art- it is like apart of my identity." And God said these cutting words in response: "Jessica, if you can't sacrifice it for me, then you are not doing it for me." When I left church that night, I had no idea of the extreme calling that God had began to unveil He would call me to follow through in. Over the next three weeks the Lord's call became stronger and stronger, and more clear. It made no sense what God was calling me to do because I was attending Art School and very much looking forward to going back- giving up art sounded ridiculous because that is all I would be doing. Soon, and I don't remember exactly how it all went down, but God revealed to me He wasn't just referring to a spiritual sacrifice- like the whole "giving it up in my heart" thing (which is so code for: I will give it up on my own time, when I feel like it); I realized God was for real, He was calling me to do what I couldn't and wouldn't do, and that was to give up art school, to let go of art, the one thing I hadn't given Him. As the weight of the reality of His calling began to bear upon me through the conviction in my Spirit, the remarkably consistent confirmation of others, and His persistence in my quiet times- which by the way were ridiculously obvious- every morning the Holy Spirit lead me to passages throughout the Bible that referred to Moses, and mind you- I didn't know the Bible well enough to locate the specific passages in the Bible that all related and dealt with Moses because I hadn't been a Christian but two years, so when the Holy Spirit said a certain passage in my heart, I was stunned when I turned to it and found it was a direct continuation of what God was telling me the morning before but in a completely different location in the Bible. It became sure, and I knew when God said to leave Art School where I was to go next because of the unusually timely and oddly interesting presentations of Union by and through others over the course of me living in Memphis and attending Bellevue, my church in Memphis. It was first presented to me by the pastors wife when I felt the Holy Spirit move me to ask her to lunch, and then through her daughter, and then though another friend of a friend that I became pen pals with, and again at a church convention thing where I picked up a brochure, and again through another friend who planned to attend. I even had scheduled a weekend with a friend to go visit the campus just for fun, but the plans fell through. So when God called me to give up art, He knew I knew the answer to the question, "Well where do you want me to go?" But as I researched Union in depth, where as prior it was just hear say and small talk or casual over looking, I realized the intensity of what God was calling me to do. Union was a private school, an expensive school, a reputable school, it was credited as America's 100 Best Colleges, and recognized by U.S. News and World Report, Princeton Review, and Forbes ranked it in the top 10% of all four year colleges nationwide. The tip of the iceburg really capped when Miss Tennessee's headshot flashed across the screen on the welcome page because she attended there. I realized what God was calling me to do was not only difficult in my heart, but I had reality going against me- there was no way I was getting into this school. At art school I had a 2.8 GPA- so as I looked over the minimum requirements for any of the small scholarships they offered for transfer students, and I didn't even qualify because they required the applicant to have atleast a 3.0. I had nothing to offer but art, and that wasn't getting me into Union. I was convinced maybe I was just hearing things, maybe God wasn't serious, maybe He just meant to begin focus on putting Him first more or something. But God assured me that He was serious, that He was calling me to Union, and He made it clear and He wouldn't leave me alone. So I consulted my mentor Ginger and she confirmed it correct and said she had always felt this was right for me- she told Donna, the pastors wife at Bellevue, and she confirmed it too. All this was occurring within a weeks time. Ginger talked me though what to do, and who to call. I remember I probably cried a good while before making the call, but then I humbled myself and said to God, "okay Lord, if this is your will, then you are going to have to make it happen and make the way." I called the admissions councilor and began the application process. I got accepted miraculously, but the money wasn't there. I had almost a $60,000 scholarship to Memphis College of Art because of my art portfolio, but I had nothing commendable in academics to get me into Union. So I went to my parents, which I had been refraining from telling because I knew they would be completely opposed, but I needed their help and they needed to know. They went bizerk! To make a long story short, I didn't get their help and their approval was conditional on the basis that they wouldn't have to pay a dime more than what they were paying for me to go to MCA. I was on my own, and the obstacles just kept getting bigger and bigger, yet God's call kept getting clearer and clearer. I didn't understand why God was calling me to Union, but He said to me that I would be a teacher of His Word to young women and that threw me for a loop. I have a learning disability, so when God told me that I remember responding to the Lord, "God how am I supposed to teach!? I can barely learn!" And I remember God replying, "that is exactly why! Because of me you will be able to teach." God pressed me to continue pushing and pursuing, and having faith that He was going to part my red sea. About a week before classes started, the dean of admissions spoke to me about all the money they could offer me, but it wasn't enough. I discussed it with Ginger and Donna, and began to let up- but God didn't. Instead, by the time it was the night before I would have to leave to go back to school, God told me to pack my bags, even though I didn't know where I would be attending school on Monday. There was a $4,500 road block between Union and I, and it was God's provision that it wasn't more because somehow I was awarded scholarships as if I had a 4.0. Yet, I obeyed, and began to pack. It wasn't until 10:45 PM the night before I would have to leave to go to Union that I got a call from Donna. As soon as I said "hello," she replied, "Jessica, there just happened to be a family looking to help someone out in need, it is taken care of! Pack your bags, your going to Union!" I cried both tears of amazement and joy. I ran into the living room and told my parents and both their mouths dropped. God literally parted the sea just like He said He would. So I packed my bags, and drove to Tennessee the next day to withdraw and sign off my 60K scholarship that I broke my back in high school for, and right then and there I gave it all up. It took about 15 minutes to give up what I had worked and built up for years. Then I drove to Jackson TN, for the very first time to attend Union University, a college I had only seen pictures of and heard about. I thank God for the adrenaline rush in the transfer process because I am sure that if I would have been truly anticipating what I was actually doing, I couldn't have gone through with it. I literally had to close my eyes and sign the dotted line, and let the reality of His miraculous ways blind my heart and eyes the whole drive there. My logic was if I just obey Him and get it over with, I can just deal with heart part later. I picked my dorm over the phone the night before, enrolled when I arrived, and began classes Monday. I don't remember exactly when I officially realized I had left Art School, but I do remember coming home at some point shortly after the move (and after enduring what seemed like some stiff normal boring school compared to art school) and going through some old stuff in my room and coming across the schedule of classes I was anticipating taking at MCA. I remember as my eyes scanned the class names, "metals," "printmaking," "Sculpture 1," "Creative Writing," etc. I began feeling as if my heart was being ripped out of me as I saw all the things I could have been doing that semester, and all the things I may never have the opportunity to do again, because I gave it up to follow God. Anger consumed me, unexplainable sadness, and grief, almost as if someone had died. And someone was dying, it was me, and God intended it. The pain was unbearable, because it touched a part of me that had never been threatened or tampered with before, a part of me that was attached to so many different things, and yet the thought that I might not ever have it back- that I might never have the opportunity to train or indulge or delight or grow in art again- literally broke my soul. I literally have never felt such emotional pain before, and that is when God reminded me why He brought me to Union- to sacrifice art- the most confusing and heart breaking journey I have ever walked. 

It has been a year and a half since I have been at Union and art still has never been so hard to give to the Lord. I have had countless conversations with Him about why, endless reasons and excuses why I should not and yet, God's response has never changed. He wants all of me, not a part of me, He wants my whole heart and everything it entails, and it hasn't been until now that I have begun to see the light in this season. The reality has plagued my heart for a year and a half too long that God is really serious about me giving Him my most prized possession, and for whatever reason it is art. He has confronted me and called me out on my sin of idolizing art, the ideal and the identity it gives me, the freedom I feel it gives me and the authority and control it gives me. No where in the Bible have I found God calling anyone to give up art, but it is everywhere God calling people to give Him their hearts. Today I realized that what stands between me giving my whole and complete self over to God is art, not because art is sin, but because at the point that I would rather be doing art and the ideal I have of art than have to sacrifice it to have God makes it a sin. It is a foothold I didn't even know I had, but God saw the deep roots entangled within me. And as I look back on this journey, I can see why God had to take it from me, because I was more ready to give Him up than I was art. It has been a very unhealthy attachment that for the first time I have come to accept is a problem and want to be healed. I laid my addiction at the altar at a Girls Retreat about two weeks ago, and I haven't felt this free in about 2 years. I know this is from God, and I know it is good, but God has shown me that laying it down on the altar is only the beginning to being healed, and there are a few more mighty steps I must take towards Him in order to be sealed.

 Over this break, God has not only so wondrously given me the strength and the courage to release art from my gripping hands as I have finally come to the point where I am willing, but He has also called me to do something I know He has been asking me to do for a while, but I didn't want to have the ears to hear. For the past year, He has called me to do something that is extremely hard, something I have found cannot be paralleled to any other degree of human initiative, that takes and picks at a portion of the human soul like no other calling in the world. Right now, God has called me to do the scariest thing imaginable. What is it, what is He calling me to do? ... He is calling me to follow Him again. What does that mean? Well, after finally letting go of what I felt like held me together, now I am to trust Him with it. Sounds simple right? Wrong. God has called me to follow Him to an extreme degree that is necessary for my Spiritual health. Once again, He has called me to sacrifice. Now that I have laid down the weight that weighed me down- which is art- at His feet, I must now be able to relearn how to walk without it. God has said this is going to take all my time, all my attention, focus, and devotion, and that this semester He wants me fully devoted to Him, nothing fighting for the attention He deserves, He wants me to fill my spare time up with Him, so He can teach me how to live again. I feel like an alcoholic coming out of rehab or something, but I know God knows something I do not, and after everything He has shown me, after seeing just how entangled I really was in this idol of art, I am going to do what He says. I am ready to follow Him ladies- whatever it takes. I have tasted the sweetness of freedom and felt the bountiful grace that flows so freely from Him and Him alone over this break, and I know that this is where I need to be. God has called me and I am going to follow Him with all my heart. So this coming semester, I will not be writing the blog. I am not sure what God wants me to do with it because I know it is bearing fruit. Ladies, there are so many of you who have truly encouraged me by letting me know God used this blog to minister to your soul. To those of you who have personally contacted me, I am so delighted that God has brought you clarity and peace through some of these entrees and I just want to pass all that glory and honor up to Him. He is such a good God. I write this post to you in His strength and courage because it is not easy to sacrifice something that bears fruit, and if it is bearing fruit I know God is using it. So I write this post to you, unsure what God is doing with me, and unsure what He will do with this blog, but in complete confidence that He is doing something and that whatever it may be it is worth giving up everything to follow Him. So with that said, I do not feel this challenge stops with me. Rather, I feel it also extends to you ladies too. God has made me well aware that you all do not need me, you need Him. So I want to ask you the same question He asked me, "What have you not given Him?" Ladies, you may have an entire list, and that's okay, but to leave it as a list is not. God wants your whole heart, and He wants you to do whatever it takes to be able to offer Him all of yourself. So what does that mean? What will that look like in your life? Will it be a complete shift in colleges like me? Will it be breaking off a relationship that is weakening your relationship and intimacy with God? Will it be quitting a sport you've played your whole life because you place your identity in it so much that you wouldn't know who you would be without it? Will it be sacrificing something that bears no fruit to take on something that does? It will be hard whatever it is, but remember it is not really a sacrifice until it hurts. Even today before I reached a peace with God about art, I got all heated inside when I was talking to God- I told Him I felt like walking out and giving up because I didn't understand how me giving up art made any sense (I will go through these circles of questions occasionally) and He said to me, "Jessica, will you let this break you? Is this the point where you will break, where you will quit?" God knew my answer, and He said, "that is exactly why I am calling you to sacrifice it to me, because of course I am not going to let this stronghold separate you from me. I am doing this for your good." I shut up after that. Later in the evening I went and had coffee with a good friend and she was telling me of all her unfortunate circumstances, and her faith in God despite those circumstances. It was a blessing to have gotten to talk to her, and the conviction I took with me when I left was even more of a blessing. As I was driving home I thought of what God had said to me this morning about the point that would make me break and I felt so dumb. I started talking to God out loud saying, "Lord, I don't want to be disqualified from the race because of art- that is ridiculous! I don't want to be taken out of the race just because of art- thats retarded!" I thought to myself of all the tragic circumstances my friend had just shared with me over coffee and how she had said she felt blessed because some people experience these circumstances and end up so lost but she still has faith in God, and yet I am going to let art take me out? No way! Thats so stupid! Of all the things to be the circumstance of where I will break, art is not even honorable, and nothing is, but art... of all things art!? I told the Lord I didn't want it, I saw that it was wrong, and I asked Him to take it away. So why is it necessary to let God have control of your life? Why is it necessary to sacrifice what you can't sacrifice to Him in your own strength? Because God is making you new. Only He knows what He has in store for you in the future and the kind of person you will need to be in order to embrace and handle the opportunities He has for you. God is shaping you into the woman He has created you to be. Let Him be the potter, let Him do a work in you, and set you free. God has a purpose and an agenda with you- He desires to set you free from the burdens of this life and to use you for His glory. Obedience is the key to unlocking those privileges. God has been unveiling Himself to me more and more as I have become obedient to Him. And that is the way He works- God must rid you of your sin and your idols to get you where you need to be, and that is where we should all be- willing, willing to follow Him. 

So with that said, what is your art? What is it that is your breaking point? What can you not imagine sacrificing to God? Just as He said to me, I will say it to you- "If you cannot sacrifice it for Him, you are not doing it for Him." My challenge to you over these next few months is to sacrifice your strong hold, the sin the enemy can take you down with because you don't know how to let go. It will take these next few months for you to do it too, to let God heal you and seal you. It is your turn now, to take what you have heard through these postings and ask God what He wants you to do with them, ask God how can He use you to pour into young women too, ask God how He can use you and what might be keeping you from being used by Him. To my faithful followers, ladies you do not need me, you need Him. I do not feel God is calling me to delete the blog, rather right now I feel like He is permitting me to keep it. I am playing it by ear and step by step. What God tells me, I will do and if possible I will update you, but I do know it will be a rare privilege to write a post in this process and if it is prompted by the Spirit then I will do so, but from what God has told me now, as far as I can tell I will not be writing any for a while. So here is your job! Now take what you have learned from this blog and go apply it. Ask the Lord to lead you to a girl you can pour into, mentor, and befriend, then trust that He heard your prayer (because He did) and go find her.  If I have been of any use, I hope my honesty and transparency on this blog is of value to you, for this is what following God is all about. It is my truest prayer that the Lord bless you ladies with deep conviction that will move you to release the strongholds that could dangerously separate you from your only life line: the Lord, and that you will be obedient to His call, that you will have faith that He loves you and is seeking your benefit, and that through it all you will have the opportunity to experience the freedom that only His grace and mercy and love can supply. Break free ladies, I am, and it is going to be a healing process, but I am so ready for it. These next few months will be hard, but they will be beautifully good. This is following God, and there is no one or thing that is more worthy of what it will cost you to follow Him, our Almighty God, than God. He is worth your all. Follow Him and have a blessed semester ladies! With love, 

Jessica K. Haas

"And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it." -Matthew 10: 38-39

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?" -Matthew 16: 24-26

"Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. "For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it." -Matthew 7:13-14

Proverbs 8: 34-36:
"Blessed is the man who listens to me,
         Watching daily at my gates,
         Waiting at my doorposts.
 "For he who finds me finds life
         And obtains favor from the LORD.
"But he who sins against me injures himself;
         All those who hate me love death."

Proverbs 3: 5-8:
" Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
   and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
   and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
   fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
   and refreshment to your bones."


" It was by faith that Noah built a large boat to save his family from the flood. He obeyed God, who warned him about things that had never happened before. By his faith Noah condemned the rest of the world, and he received the righteousness that comes by faith. It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith—for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God." -Hebrews 11: 7-8



"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." -Galations 5:1



"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." -2 Corinthians 3: 17-18


 "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you He will not fail you or forsake you." -Deuteronomy 31:6


"For God works all things out for the good of those who love Him."- Romans 8:28


"No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.  And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8: 37-39

One of my favorite songs is Casting Crowns' "I will Praise You in this Storm." It is completely applicable to this season and challenge of sacrifice, obedience, and trust that hurts. If you don't have this song somewhere readily available for you to tune in when you need it, I would greatly encourage you to grab from itunes. It will help you to praise Him in whatever storm you may be going through because He is here for us and sometimes we need to be reminded of that. <3