My Testimony...
At two years old my daddy left my family. I was raised by a single mother who worked two jobs and went to nursing school while living in government housing, aka the projects, and prior to that we lived out of my mother's car. The things I saw as a little girl, though profound to anyone else, seemed normal to me. What I experienced as a child, though terrifying, unhappy, hostile, and damaging to anyone else, seemed normal to me. I was abandoned by my father, sexually, emotionally, and physically abused by different men. I was ridiculed by my peers, underestimated by my teachers, and misunderstood by everyone else. The effects of my childhood fractured the way I perceived myself and the world around me, but since I had known a life no different, I did not recognize my point of view as something that was a problem. I believed I was of no worth, not because I chose so, but because many elements of my life had told me so. I desired to be of value, I desired to be wanted, and I think that as I got older I made several regretful decisions out of that starving subconscious desire. In high school I was like a Gomer or a Mary Magdalene. I was whatever people wanted me to be, just as long as they wanted me. I never once realized that the way I carried myself, the way I was acting, how I perceived myself and the world around me was at all wrong, and yet by my genuinely subconscious pursuit for love it couldn't have been more distinct that I was suffering from a severe lack of it. My past plagued my actions and my ideals subconsciously. I was broken, bruised, used, and confused. And at 15 years old I had experienced more life than any adult I knew. I had been around drugs, sex, alcohol, profanity- the whole scene, and it was more than a phase, I grew up submerged in it. At first glance many do not perceive my background, rather today I appear to come from a beaver cleaver home, or so I am told, but the truth is that I never owned a white picket fence nor did my mom wear pearls when she vacuumed, or pearls for that matter. I initially came from no home, but growing up I saw the true strength of a woman, what she is made of, and what she can do when circumstances leave her no other options but to survive. I also come from a background where I have seen the darkest sides of men, and the most profane, all in which gruesomely violated me as a little girl. But the one I am sure will always cause me to wonder is that of which why my father left me and never came came back, for there is no such pain as that of the void left by intentional absence. A childhood like mine, no child should have to endure, and though many of us with similar stories, once we realize the horror of what we experienced, find that we have reason for anger, and reason to blame... I find that I do not, but rather all the more reason to praise God. For though I was born in a nightmare, my God has promised me that He has no intension of wasting any of my sorrows. At 16 years old, I came to know Christ, and my life has never been the same because of His glorious redemptive power. The road has been hard, but I believe if it is going to hurt, it mind as well be painful for a good reason. God has brought me out of the trenches, led me out of the darkness, and into not only His light, but also His love. He has turned my promiscuity into purity, my insecurity into confidence, my weaknesses into strengths, my pain into healing, my sorrow into joy, and my past into testimony. He has given me hope, meaning, and a purpose that surpasses anything that can be found on this earth. I am not perfect by any means, but I do my best to work to be better, not because I should but because the love of God has enveloped me to such a degree that I would rather do nothing else, for nothing else makes sense. God is the best thing that happened to me, and is still happening to me. He is the One who truly saved me, rescued me from my destruction, my dangerous subconscious path to destruction, and called me to be His servant. I now go to Union University where I am pursuing my Bachelors in Biblical Studies, and a minor in Philosophy, and I think God may be calling me to go to Seminary to get my Doctorate in Ministry. The Lord has truly made me new. He has not wasted my sorrows, just like He promised. He has used my life, my pain, the tragedies of my childhood, the shame from my past, and my longing to be wanted and loved and transformed them all for His glory and good. He has used the story of my life, one that is entangled in sorrow, defeat, and pain, and used it for His glory- to encourage other believers, even non-believers to believe, and bring many to faith. And as I write such words, I can not help but think how could anyone deny such a God as good and as gracious as my God? He truly has the power to save, and I am solid proof of such power. I did not pull myself out, rather I reached out and He grabbed me. God has not only redeemed me, but this past summer, He redeemed my entire family!!! God's power exceeds expectations, His love can not be measured. I look around at the people I see everyday here at school- these biblical scholars and super intelligent people- of which I have never been, and I am continually reminded that God placed me here by His divine hand to learn and be trained up with these people for His purposes. How thankful my heart is, how joyous am I, that the Lord God Almighty would have grace so abundantly not to just merely save me from the pit of hell, but refine me and use me for the good of His kingdom and glory. There is no God like my God! I will claim Him forever, for He first claimed me. I am a daughter of the King, restored and made new. I am His, and He is all I need.
Be encouraged by His grace, be strengthened by His power, let Him lead you to Himself, let Him redeem you, let Him transform your heart, mind and soul. Let Him make you new.
Isaiah 41:8-16:
8 “But as for you, Israel my servant,
Jacob my chosen one,
descended from Abraham my friend,
9 I have called you back from the ends of the earth,
saying, ‘You are my servant.’
For I have chosen you
and will not throw you away.
10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
11 “See, all your angry enemies lie there,
confused and humiliated.
Anyone who opposes you will die
and come to nothing.
12 You will look in vain
for those who tried to conquer you.
Those who attack you
will come to nothing.
13 For I hold you by your right hand—
I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you,
‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.
14 Though you are a lowly worm, O Jacob,
don’t be afraid, people of Israel, for I will help you.
I am the Lord, your Redeemer.
I am the Holy One of Israel.’
15 You will be a new threshing instrument
with many sharp teeth.
You will tear your enemies apart,
making chaff of mountains.
16 You will toss them into the air,
and the wind will blow them all away;
a whirlwind will scatter them.
Then you will rejoice in the Lord.
You will glory in the Holy One of Israel."
"We are for His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand, in order that in Him we might walk." -Ephesians 2:10
Isaiah 43:1-15
"1 But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth-
7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made."
8 Lead out those who have eyes but are blind,
who have ears but are deaf.
9 All the nations gather together
and the peoples assemble.
Which of them foretold this
and proclaimed to us the former things?
Let them bring in their witnesses to prove they were right,
so that others may hear and say, "It is true."
10 "You are my witnesses," declares the LORD,
"and my servant whom I have chosen,
so that you may know and believe me
and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
nor will there be one after me.
11 I, even I, am the LORD,
and apart from me there is no savior.
12 I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—
I, and not some foreign god among you.
You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "that I am God.
13 Yes, and from ancient days I am he.
No one can deliver out of my hand.
When I act, who can reverse it?"
14 This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"For your sake I will send to Babylon
and bring down as fugitives all the Babylonians,
in the ships in which they took pride. 15 I am the LORD, your Holy One,
Israel's Creator, your King."
" He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever." -Revelation 21:4
CHALLENGE: How has your running been going ladies? Still going strong? Or has it already been omitted from your schedule? Let me encourage you to get back with it, or keep persevering. The purpose of doing physically what you do not want to do, makes doing spiritually what need to do so much easier. The discipline you develop in running every night strengthens you to seek God with the same exact persistence. Thus, work hard to keep that a priority, as well as praying after every run. I am right there alongside of you! We are running together ladies and if I can do it, then so can you. If your really serious about this God thing, then show it. You are all in my prayers. Continue running, persevere towards the goal, for the prize is Christ, and don't forget to keep praying! We are women of strength, women of endurance, women of prayer, women of faith and women of hope because we are women of God! Persevere!
Amazing testimony. God bless you Jessica and use you even more mightily for his kingdom and Glory.
ReplyDelete