Loneliness is one of the biggest struggles of a girls life, regardless of what stage, and can hinder us to an unimaginable degree. So I sat down and spent an entire day devoted to tackling the subject, how we get there, how to catch it, and how to turn it around. I pray this leads you to more joy in the Lord, is worth your time, and is useful to equipping you to fight the enemy's lies.
Tenth Avenue North begins their song, “There’s a girl in the corner...” Have you ever been left out, uninvited, or the third wheel? It stinks to feel unwanted, and the worst part about it is the loneliness that you feel. Sure your standing in a room full of people, but there is this immense heavy burden that just lingers above your head, and its the burden of loneliness. You don’t know how to cure it, you don’t know how it got there, and you can’t figure out how to make it go away. You are lonely and you feel like no one cares about you, no one knows you, and no one wants to know you. I have experienced this before numerous times. I even experienced an entire year and a half battling this burden. I just felt like no one understood me and at the same time I felt like I couldn’t seem to understand why no one wanted me. Why didn’t I have a group of friends that called me and wanted to hang out with me? Why didn’t they invite me? How come they don’t talk to me, include me, ask me, get to know me? Am I really that uninteresting? Moving from Art school to a Biblical-Academic school was probably one of the hardest transitions I have ever made in my life. I went from a world of quirky and really unique people who accepted you regardless of what you looked like or came from to a hard core group of people concerned with the truth of scripture, heeding and repenting of faults to be better and successful, and I had a really hard time fitting in. For the entire first year I felt so lonely. I longed so badly for God to return me back to Art School, where it was safe to be unique, exposed, and accepted regardless of what that looked like. I had become used to deep relationships with women that were genuinely concerned about my life, that loved me with a love I had never experienced in friends in my entire life, girls that loved me for me, who called me, who invited me, who asked me to be in the picture rather than to take it. I was apart of them, and I had never felt so good. I knew I was wanted, that I belonged, and I wanted it back, because I just didn’t feel that way at this new school. Very few people experience the love from people that God gave me the privilege of experiencing my freshman year in college, rather they walk in loneliness for much of their lives, wondering why not me, why cant I have that? If I hadn’t ever gone to MCA, I would have never experienced that love either, but most importantly, if I hadn’t of gone to MCA with the state of heart God allowed me to have, I wouldn’t have experienced such love.
You see, it was the very same week that I moved to college, that both my grandmother who raised me, and the first young girl I had mentored died back to back. My heart was completely broken, but at the same time it was still anticipating what had just happened because the full impact would take its place in my reality only over a period of time. When I came to MCA, I had lots to gain, because I had just lost so much. The pain was a weird pain, it was uncomfortable and confusing pain because it was more of an understanding that there was nothing that I could do about it, it was a tragedy, and the reality that it had happened seemed too out of reach to grasp. It wasn’t as real as I thought it should have been. I was confused because I knew the gravity of the situation was immense, I knew in my head that what had just happened was tragic and hard, but it just hadn’t hit my heart yet, and I didn’t understand why I couldn’t make it real. I was walking in confusion, so my heart was ready to leave home, to go away from the tragedy that had just struck me, and it was prepared to receive whatever God had for me because I knew nothing could be worse than what I had just gone through. Things could only get better after hitting rock bottom. As I look back now, I realize that God made me in need of friends, but not a selfish clingy kind of needy, but rather through the tragedy He allowed to strike my life, He forced me into a state that made me look at life with a new perspective... that this life is not about me, its about people, or else its about nothing. The death of my grandmother and little Kayla made me realize the value of people, the sanctity of life, how short it really is, how much we really take our own lives for granted, and how much we really take others lives for granted. I realized that people live one life, and if you don’t advantage of the chances you have to be apart of them, then when they’re gone, those opportunities that you had do not just fade away... rather those are all you have to remember those people- the opportunities you had to be apart of their lives, and if you didn’t take them, then all you remember are empty opportunities. My whole life, especially in high school, I struggled with loneliness and never knew what it took to be apart of people’s memories, people’s old pictures, people’s lives, people’s gatherings and hangouts. All I saw was the event without me in it, but after the death of my loved ones back to back, I realized it wasn’t about the picture... it was about the people in the picture. God helped me to realize the quality and the quantity of moments you spend with people are both important and crucial to life, and if we don’t take advantage of our opportunities to choose to love people, empty opportunities is all we will ever have, and regret and loneliness is all we will ever truly know. So when I came to college, I had a different state of mind and heart that I don’t think I really realized I had. I just knew I had lost my grandmother and the little girl God brought into my life to mentor and that life was more precious than I had ever estimated. Something I will never forget is the dramatic change in how I looked at people. I paused and looked deeper, rather than just the casual glance. I didn’t look around and see people, for the first time I looked around and saw individual persons, and they were so beautiful. God had given me a heart that wanted to know them, that had an automatic love for them even if they thought I was weird, I didn’t care because I cared about their life. It was a reality that I had never known before and it came from knowing they were just as fragile as my Nanny and Kayla, they were human and they wouldn’t last forever, and my curiosity of weather or not someone had told them they were loved moved me feet to initiate conversations with people I would have never otherwise opened my mouth, to do acts of kindness I would have never otherwise thought was necessary, and to be an encouragement that I would have never otherwise thought I had time for. I sought to affect people’s lives, not for me, or some greater underlying goal, but because God literally moved me to love people out of a heart that genuinely wanted people to know I wanted to listen, love, and care for them. Why? Because God revealed to me that reality of life, that affecting people, that being apart of someone for a moment, even if its the smallest part, is what life is all about. And it was with this reality that loneliness no longer seemed like a burden, but became an option. If I would choose to be apart of peoples lives, then there would be people that were apart of mine. Seeking center stage is the highway to loneliness, and will pull you down faster than any other desire. When you seek to be everyone’s first love, you open the gate to destruction. The enemy’s greatest tactic to a lonely person is to provoke them to thoughts and plans of how to become more popular. How so? Because you are seeking to be center stage, the center of attention, to be liked and adored by everyone. Its a deadly trap because as you scan all your friends face book pictures of their happy events and hangouts, the enemy tempts you to focus on the picture that you are not in, rather than the people you do not know. I know this because I am guilty of it too. We don’t have to live that way though. Popularity is your enemy because it is an ideal that asks you to put your value where it doesn’t belong- in the center of people’s desires. But Christ did not that. Why? Because the desires of the human heart are disordered and to aim to fulfill them will only lead you to reflect them. I mean think about it, most people don’t want what they really and truly need, and if you try to cater to what keeps people comfortable, you will never truly affect them. Why do I tell you about this? How does this have anything to do with loneliness? Because one of the best and most memorable years of my life, when I had the friends I had always longed for, was when my heart was exposed to the reality that people are beautiful, temporal, and nothing else matters if you don’t love them... if you don’t take the time to affect them, and to be apart of their lives. You cannot make the friends your heart longs for if you wont be the friend to someone else that your heart longs for. It starts with love. What’s the quick fix to feeling loneliness? Not popularity, rather it is quite the opposite. It is to take your eyes off of yourself and realize the whole world full of people that you have left to love. If all you can see is you, then of course you feel secluded and alone, your thinking about only one person. Ladies, I say this not in condemnation, but in love, for I know personally that loneliness is truly painful, but if you want to be loved, you must love. One of the most disabling tactics of the enemy is to make you seclude yourself and provoke you to the thoughts of loneliness. Its a deadly and annoying trap that leaves us in confusion and abandoned to depression, but the truth is... and brace yourself for it... we do it to ourselves. Notice the tactics go hand in hand: the enemy tells us we are not wanted, or that these people do not value us or think we are weird or a bore to hang with and as we believe the lies, we begin to slowly back out, and the further we back out, the more we seclude ourselves, and the more we seclude ourselves, the more often we focus on ourselves, and the more often we find ourselves feeling lonely and depressed. But notice where we went wrong! Where did we place our value? Where did we let the enemy in? When we let him shift the place where we put our value. Ever experience a moment when you actually realized that many of the people around you thought you were awesome, and you actually thought to yourself, “man, I must be doing something right, they really like me,” and you went home with a smile on your face because you enjoyed yourself. Why? Because you felt like the center of everyone’s adoration, and it felt good. The guys in the group even gave you a positive vibe, and you went home feeling good looking. But what happens next week when Katie brings a new girl that has just moved here to the hangout and the minute walks in you feel sick. Awesome body, cute clothes, great hair, and no makeup- WHAT!? What’s up with that? And who are you mad at? Katie. Why? Because she brought your competition to dinner. Now Joey will never notice you, and all the sudden your oh so cute outfit and witty sarcasm is no longer good enough because now the night will about the new girl, where she came from, what’s she doing here, and getting to know her because she’s uber gorgeous and all the guys will want to know all about her. Joey is infatuated with her and then later that night you see him get her number. By next week they are dating, and as if matters couldn’t get worse, Katie made plans with her to go on a group movie night and didn’t invite you. So much for the center of attention spotlight last week, now no one wants you, they love the new girl and they’ve forgotten all about you. A month goes by and its another lonely friday night and your sitting at home looking at all the new girls face book pictures of her and Joey. Your loathing that she ever moved here, and that she is so much more prettier than you. She is skinny and tan, she has pretty eyes and really awesome hair... if only you looked that way then maybe they would call you, maybe that could have been you in that picture with Joey... and Katie, and the whole group, but you cant stand the new girl. If only she would leave, life would be good and everyone would love you again.... Does this scenario sound familiar? Where did you go wrong? How did you get to this point? Remember that really good time you had with everyone, the one where you realized everyone thought you were awesome? It wasn’t you- it was a tactic of the enemy. The minute the enemy told you to look around and indulge in the attention, to take notice of how much everyone liked you, and to believe the lie that said, “see, this group of people value you- they think your awesome. They love you!” How is that a tactic of the enemy? Because its drenched in temptation! It required your affirmation of it to have enjoyed it, and the moment you thought to yourself, “yeah... they do like me, they really do think im awesome,” you gave into the temptation because as soon as you affirmed it, a big smile grew wide on your face. SHIFT. There it is!!! He trapped you! Instead of enjoying the company of your friends, you let the enemy’s lies provoke you to shift placing your worth from in the Lord to in the affirmation of your friends. You let the enemy guide you to give into believing you are valuable because of your awesomeness. He provoked you to pride and you didn’t even know it, and the symptoms of pride never even reared their ugly heads until your value was challenged the very next week when the unexpected caught you off guard. You went to grab your security, but you were all you were had, and it was you that wasn’t able to stand up against the accusations of the enemy. His lies plagued your mind the minute the new girl walked in the door. You even looked down at what you were wearing, and your posture to make sure you looked slim and put together as she approached. As Katie introduced you to her, you gave her the best smile you could, but it was obvious you could care less what her name was because you were more concerned with how you looked in comparison. As she sat down and everyone started asking her questions, you pulled out your phone to make it look like you were doing something more interesting. You sat in silence, texting, bored out of your mind with a dissatisfied pitt in your stomach as everyones attention was pointed at her. Talk about your worst nightmare- the night was supposed to be fun, and you were supposed to get the attention, and the guy, but it didn’t go at all how you planned. Even as you got ready, putting on the last coat of mascara, as you smiled at yourself in the mirror, the enemy knew he had you exactly where he wanted you, right in the middle of yourself. You hadn’t even anticipated anyone better looking than you to walk in, but the enemy knew your worst fear. He knew it before he even tempted you, which is why he tempted you the way he did- he became your worst fear the minute you believed you were the fulfillment of your greatest desire. And as you sit at the table, texting away, you just grow more and more hurt. Unguarded, every lie the enemy throws at you, you receive it without any hesitation. It whispers, “Don’t let them forget about you, don’t let her think she got to you, speak up, talk yourself up a little- don’t let her just steal your spot, come on girl, don’t just let her steal your man.” SHIFT, SHIFT. You believe the lie, and speak up in attempt to turn the conversation a little your way because you want to be included too, you want to get some attention too, after all you did take time to dress yourself up to have a good time. The new girl explains she used to be on the high school cheer squad, and you try to smoothly include yourself by saying, “ohhh... that’s cool, I’m on the Varsity Competition Cheer Squad here in town. I tried out high school cheer, but I decided to just do competition because it was a lot better.” No one takes the bate. They continue their focus on her, and to no advantage to you, the new girl is sweet- she just nods her head nicely at your obviously unconcerned-with-her-presence comment and says, “oh, that’s neat.” Then a subject shift. You keep trying to pipe up to shift the attention back to yourself, or at least just to include yourself, but as the evening progresses, the lies in your mind just get heavier, denser, and they begin to cut deeper, pushing every inch of your feeling of belonging further and further away. They whisper, “You are not interesting, you should just be quiet, why do you keep talking, they don’t care about you, you just look like an idiot, what are you even doing here, no one is even interested in you being here, you should just leave, who’s idea was it anyway to do this, you would be better off at home, you should just go home as soon as possible.” As you believe the lies that seem to match what you see, it hits you... you are in a a room full of people, yet you have never felt so alone. But did you notice the progressiveness of the lies? Did you catch their nature? They go from attacking you, to attacking your presence there, to backing you into a corner and convincing you that you are not even worthy of being there. It dilutes and twists your perception. It provokes you to act out, and then every time you try to fix the problem by taking its advice, it attacks you with three more lies that make you feel more and more defeated each time, more and more insecure, more and more left out, more and more alone. And in the middle of it all, you feel trapped with no way out- “why wont they pay any attention to me?” you think to yourself. You feel whipped and weary from being distraught, and it never even crossed your mind that it was all apart of a plan devised to fight against you, the enemy did it all on purpose, to assist you to your own self-destruction. How? He drained you of all the energy you were using to sustain your worth, which is a heavy task, so that at the end of the night you would resolve it was better to never do anything like that again, and to stay home instead next time because its just no fun being left out, so he can corner you and provoke you even further into his trap. And you thought you were the only one who went through this. Think again. It happens way more often than you think. But the worst part is, if we are off guard, we affirm the enemy’s lies every time. Those thoughts sound familiar? Its not really your voice, rather its your affirmation of the enemies voice, and what thoughts come next? Yep, you guessed it- “I want to go home, I am having a horrible time, no one like me or cares that I am even here,” and once again SHIFT SHIFT SHIFT, you believed his lies. He is putting you exactly where he wants you- alone, so he can convince you even more of how invaluable you are and paralyze you with fear that this whole situation will happen again. He devised the perfect plan and you fell for it, but love- they are all lies, and each time you believe them, the more in sync you are with the enemy’s plan. He is leading you to place your value where it is unguarded and incapable of being validated. And where is that? Anywhere other than God. Why? So he could shatter it and send you into a storm of insecurity. Place your value in yourself, people, places, or things and you will find yourself feeling insufficient and unfulfilled. Validating your worth is God-sized job- nothing else is capable of getting it done but Him. But the enemy knew your weakness, and he planned ahead to ensure you would fall, knowing that if you chose to believe him, he’d have the ability to tear you all up inside. The enemy knew last week that little miss new girl would be moving here Tuesday of that week, that she’d have the same class with Katie, and they would become the best of friends, but something the enemy also knew was that this new girl was a girl that had overcome insecurity, she had survived her own suicide, and she had moved because her dad had just died in Iraq last fall and her mom had waited until semester to move so the she could start school back in the winter with everyone else and the only thing that brought her through it all was her hope in Christ. The enemy knew the new girl’s friendship, testimony, and encouragement in your life would skyrocket your relationship with God, and would make your confidence in God concrete. The enemy knew what God was sending your way to strengthen you, and he saw how much it would benefit you, so he devised a plan to counter it and take you down. The enemy knew you were weak in this area, and he knew if you trusted God, his foothold on your value would be ruined. So what did he do? He fought against you, and got you where you were weak. The enemy knew you were having a great night that night and you were enjoying the company of your friends, he knew you already struggled with insecurity, and so he knew not only when exactly to dangle the bait of temptation, but he knew exactly what bait to dangle. He convinced you to cut yourself off from the blessing God had specifically sent to strengthen both you and her. The enemy knew your greatest fear was to be alone because it would confirm the lie you were struggling not to believe that you are not wanted, and he used it against you. But God also knew this fear of yours and was answering your prayers by sending you the new girl to strengthen you by her testimony of Him, He sent her to you to meet your need of a friend, and to give you assurance that you can trust Him, but the enemy tricked you because you believed his lies rather than trusting in God. Instead of forfeiting the pride and conceit that reared its head that one good night and submitting it to God, you gave in and let it become the keeper of your value. It is here where many of us fall, right before God answers our prayers, and as soon as trusting Him becomes plan B. The enemy has no scruples, sympathy, or pity- his goal is to destroy you, and when he learns God is up to something in your life, he works extra hard to make sure you fall before you get it, but do not be deceived ladies, pride always comes before destruction. The enemy tempted you with popularity and pride before you became lonely- he chose to attack where you were vulnerable, when you least expected it, in words that made you feel good, and even in your own voice. It was sneaky, and very hard to catch if you weren’t on guard, but he took you down with no intention of letting up. Ladies, this is one of many illustrations of how we get to loneliness. When we let our adversary guide us to a perception that is geared to indulge and falsely satisfy our longing to be wanted, and in the process it justifies ridiculing everything and everyone that gets in the way of that satisfaction- it can only further teach us how not to love people, and how not to love ourselves. It’s goal is termination, and this kind of thinking never produces fruit, nor what it promises. Its a trick! When we choose to dwell on the lies of the enemy, that no one wants to hang out with us or that we need to fix ourselves so more people will want to hang out with us, or when we tune into the questions he entices us to ask ourselves like, “why don’t I have friends like that,” “why cant I be apart of a group like that,” “why wont they invite me,” “how come they don’t ask me to come along,” we make ourselves flammable to the burden of loneliness. By receiving the spirit of unthankfulness, the spirit of doubt, the spirit of pride, envy, conceit, anger, or bitterness, your perception only gets diluted- not clearer. Don’t be deceived by the enemies logic- it will never end in your benefit! Personally, I truly believe that because God ripped my me-me-me perspective out of my heart through the death of my loved ones and replaced it with the reality that life is sacred and it is best lived loving the people He has placed around me, that I made the best friends I have ever known. That’s not to say I don’t struggle with this scenario because obviously I know it well, but for this season, the reality of death put life into perspective. Why? Not because of anything I did, but because of what God did in me- He tailored my heart to a longing to love the girls around me, He gave me a legitimate desire to be concerned with their lives, and how I could be available to them. God brought many “new girls” into my life when I moved to college, and if God had not penetrated my reality and started changing my heart before I went, I probably would have shut my natural introverted self into a corner and reacted just as I would and always had in the scenario I just explained to you. I would have never got to experience being apart of their lives- and what an awful thought because being in those ladies lives are some of the greatest memories I have. How do I know the reality of death had that big of an impact? Because I had something to compare it to when moving to a different school a year later, with a wound not as fresh as when I first moved to MCA, my goal was not to know the people at my new school, rather my goal became for them to get to know me. It was a long lonely road promoting myself... and it will be for you too. I fell slowly down the same path, by believing the same lies, and it led me to loneliness. I sought my glory, not God’s, I trusted in my reputation and the affirmation of other’s recognition rather than God’s, and I sank faster from the redeemed perception God had just revealed to me the previous year than the time it took to begin seeing that way. I sank quicker than a 10 pound dumb-bell in a bath tub. I came to my new school and some how the word had gotten around that I was Miss Texas, when I had actually only competed in Miss Texas that summer, but the recognition felt good, and soon I began to let my satisfaction shift into it. But after a while, I wasn’t the new girl anymore, and the spotlight began to fade. But I was in trouble, because I had placed my value in it. Soon, I became starving for attention, and longing to return to Art School. I blamed the people around me for the lies the enemy convinced me of, I accused them of being judgmental, and stuck up. I began secluding myself because I felt like no one was noticing me anymore, like I wasn’t wanted anymore. Lie after lie after lie, I could not understand why God had brought me here. I became very lonely and learned to begin to feel very sorry for myself. I was caught in a trap of apathy, a pitt deeper than I could handle, and I didn’t know how to get out. I had believed the enemies lies to such a degree, I no longer could recognize my surroundings. I doubted the meaning in everything, and it got so bad that I felt like I didn’t even know who I was anymore, like my identity had been lost. I let the enemy’s lie seep so deep into my heart that I literally began to believe that I was a nobody, completely white washed and blank, and that I had no purpose. I almost allowed the enemy to uproot every bit of truth God had ever confirmed in my heart. I felt scared to talk to anyone, like I had to prove myself every time I opened my mouth, and that anytime I could hear a pair or group of people whispering or talking without me, I was convinced they were gossiping about me, and God forbid if they looked my way. I became deathly sick with insecurity and I felt so alone. Life was miserable, and I had never experienced something so confusing, so challenging in my life. I just wanted somebody to care, to want to know me, to love me, and to want me. Loneliness plagued my heart, and pride blinded my eyes because I thought to myself that surely my perception wasn’t the problem, rather it had to be the people around me. I believed the lies that if I just made myself bigger and blew up my reputation then people would value me, and want me, but the lies just dug me deeper and deeper into a pitt. It hasn’t been until just recently that I feel I have begun to break free from this tangled web of loneliness, and I say that with faith, completely aware of how vulnerable I am, but entrusting myself to God who is the keeper of my confidence. I have realized the only way out of this is to love my way out- to love people, to want to know them, to genuinely care and sacrifice myself for them, to be there, and to be loved in return, to form relationships, bonds that can sustain trials, to carry others burdens with them, and to be transparent, willing to encourage, willing to take last place so no one else will have to, hoping to do the dirty work so someone else can be blessed, and to strive to be small because love is where the little people are. I pray for strength even as I write these words to not be deceived, and to not shift where I place my value. I don’t want to go back there again, because it is an awful walk in darkness that took the power of God to break me out from. Recently, God has been telling me to put aside all the things that I built up to attract people to myself, and to trust Him with the results. It is difficult because it is entangled in things that seem good, but I am fighting to resist the temptation that keeping them is okay. I pray God rips from my hands anything He can tell I am passively not sacrificing to Him and putting under His authority. God has also allowed some of the heavy reality of my loved ones that passed away my freshman year to begin to set in piece by piece. He encourages me to take the time to let the venting process take its course and to make it a priority to weep to Him, to let it out, and to allow Him to be my strength in this season. Perhaps the reality of death is what God has been using to lure me out of the cave I have been entrapped in for so long, using the sanctity of life and the reality that life is all about love as my saving grace. If only we could all fully anticipate the reality of death, for I feel like it is the key to truly living life the way God intended, because it unveils the reality of love. The impact of death gave me a sober perspective of the value of life, and it was through death’s impact upon my heart that my friends at MCA were drawn to me and I to them... because after loosing so much, I made myself available to them, an option for them, a companion to carry their burdens- I wasn’t concerned about me, myself, and I, because I had realized they were human and subject to dying at any moment- my entire freshman year of college, I looked at all people this way. For the first time, I cared about others... literally. The reality of death is tragic and one of the hardest things to deal with, but it grounded me so firmly to the truth of life, that God and people are all that matter, and it makes sense, but just as in His commandments- He says it is all that is supposed to matter. It gave me a natural confidence that even when around the most intimidating personalities that I would have otherwise compromised the place of my value, and even the thought of friendship, I instead felt unmoved because of the resounding reality that they couldn’t get away from what we had in common- death, and that we would both die soon. It was that reality that made me want to love them. It may sound depressing, but only if you don’t believe in God. Because I believe in Jesus Christ, the reality of death is an affirmation of the truth that we will all stand before God, in His presence, and because of that, death does a good thing to our mindset on life- it motivates us to live, and to live is to love. And Jesus was a prime example of this truth. The reality of death, many would think would be the breaking point for the one who struggles with loneliness, but in the context of God- it frees us. In it, the Lord gives us a strength that allows us to cling to the truth that no matter what human we meet, ridiculously famous and talented, or homeless and disabled, God’s truth claims that we both will die one day, and because of that mentality, the only thing that makes sense is to love people. Real, genuine, expecting-nothing-in-return kind of love. And this is why God makes it easy for us, by telling us to die to ourselves, because to die is to live. Why does God tell us this? Because the road to self actualization is quickest route to loneliness and it puts the greatest hurdle in your path to growing closer to Him. Trying to discover who you are, your purpose, all that fluffy you stuff- its all a trap that leads to a dead end, literally. Christ said, if you try to find your life you will loose it, but if you loose your life you will find it. The reality of death and dying to yourself is the cure to loneliness because it takes you straight to the priority of loving people and it frees you from the obligation of figuring out different ways of how you can become more wanted and making yourself known, and gives you the opportunity to get to know others, and to affirm your identity in Christ. When you die to yourself, and become concerned with God, and malleable to who He brings into your life, then by conforming to Him and His agenda, loneliness is never a problem. Yes, God may send you to a secluded place like He did John on the Island of Patmos, but it is for good reason, for while John was there God revealed to John what became the book of Revelation. As Max Lucado says, “Loneliness is not the lack of people, it is the lack of intimacy.” John was literally exiled to an Island all alone, but the book of Revelation wasn’t about how lonely he was, rather it was about the return of Christ, the end days where all the dead will be raised, and the Kingdom of God will finally be our home, dwelling in the presence of God. Revelation revolves much around death and new life, and it is in this reality revealed to John that I am sure he became thankful that God allowed his circumstances to occur. John had God, and God could offer John God-sized intimacy. Though John was all alone when writing the book of Revelation, the book wasn’t all about his loneliness, rather it was about the reality of the death and resurrection of Christ and the reward for dying to ourselves, the full and complete battle for humanity and it all is fueled by the love of God for us and how He seals the deal for us.
Ladies, if you do not have the goal to be somebody then it will be less of struggle to be tempted to do what it will take to be somebody. Die to yourself and it no longer becomes an issue to figure out who you are or making yourself known to others. Now to know yourself is to know Christ and your mission is no longer to make yourself known, but to make Him known. Christ is all that matters in this life, and do not be fooled into believing that anything else will fulfill you. By dying to yourself, you no longer have anything to prove, and you eliminate the options of your adversary. The reality of death cures loneliness because it presents the reality of the sanctity of life, and in Christ, the only product of that reality is an immense outpouring of love, and such results can never become loneliness. Why? Because of the cross. When walking in light of the cross, the death and resurrection of Christ, when fully anticipated, fulfills our need for intimacy because we realize we are wanted, we are valued, and thus nixes the feeling of being lonely. When we choose to continually walk in the truth that we are loved and valued by God, the enemy cannot tempt us to shift where we find our worth. But what if no one has died recently, how might your loneliness be cured? I never said someone has to die for you to realize the reality of death, I just said it took two people very close to my heart to die for me to realize the reality of death- I pray you do not need what it took to wake me up. Realize who is around you, your family, your peers, your community, your neighbors... they are all human and waiting until they are gone to realize that fact is not one I wish upon you. Get to know WHO they are, because that opportunity gets shorter everyday. Are you lonely? Then you are deceived. We live in a world packed with people. Don’t let the enemy choose for you, don’t let him lead you into missing all the beautiful opportunities God has placed before you to love people. His lies are poisonous, and they have the power to destroy, but only if you let them. Loneliness is a battle and we must fight mentally and be on guard constantly, for it is a tragic pitt that loneliness is, but may we hold fast to God’s word with confidence as we believe His words that assure us the battle has already been won in Him! May we believe the truth, die to ourselves, and choose to live in Christ. For when we place our value in Him, our identity in Him, and our purpose in Him, we walk in the One who has conquered loneliness. That means if we are in Him, we have conquered it too- don’t let the enemy persuade you to believe any different. You are apart of the biggest family in the world and in all of history- The family of God! Realize how much God loves you and let it move you to love those around you and be apart of their lives. Let Him be the keeper of your worth. Live in Him, and let Him live and love through you. Never let the enemy shift where you place your value. For in Christ, you are never alone, He is always with you.
Joshua 1:9:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Leviticus 19:18:
“‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD."
Psalm 31: 22-24:
22 "In my alarm I said,
“I am cut off from your sight!”
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.
23 Love the LORD, all his faithful people!
The LORD preserves those who are true to him,
but the proud he pays back in full.
24 Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD."
Psalm 36:
1 I have a message from God in my heart
concerning the sinfulness of the wicked:
There is no fear of God
before their eyes.
2 In their own eyes they flatter themselves
too much to detect or hate their sin.
3 The words of their mouths are wicked and deceitful;
they fail to act wisely or do good.
4 Even on their beds they plot evil;
they commit themselves to a sinful course
and do not reject what is wrong.
5 Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
6 Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
You, LORD, preserve both people and animals.
7 How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
8 They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
9 For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.
10 Continue your love to those who know you,
your righteousness to the upright in heart.
11 May the foot of the proud not come against me,
nor the hand of the wicked drive me away.
12 See how the evildoers lie fallen—
thrown down, not able to rise!
Matthew 16: 24-29:
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? For the Son of Man will come with his angels in the glory of his Father and will judge all people according to their deeds. And I tell you the truth, some standing here right now will not die before they see the Son of Man coming in his Kingdom.”
1 Peter 1:17-26:
"And remember that the heavenly Father to whom you pray has no favorites. He will judge or reward you according to what you do. So you must live in reverent fear of him during your time as “foreigners in the land.” For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver. It was the precious blood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God. God chose him as your ransom long before the world began, but he has now revealed him to you in these last days. Through Christ you have come to trust in God. And you have placed your faith and hope in God because he raised Christ from the dead and gave him great glory. You were cleansed from your sins when you obeyed the truth, so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters. Love each other deeply with all your heart.
For you have been born again, but not to a life that will quickly end. Your new life will last forever because it comes from the eternal, living word of God. As the Scriptures say,
“People are like grass;
their beauty is like a flower in the field.
The grass withers and the flower fades.
But the word of the Lord remains forever.”
And that word is the Good News that was preached to you."
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| Check out Tenth Avenue North's new song, "You Are More." Go to itunes and make sure you download it. Its encouraging words bring clarity that fight against the enemies accusations. You are more than choices that you have made, you are more than the sum of your past mistakes. Let this week be new- no more loneliness! Regardless of what we have done in the past, today is new. Right now is the best time to begin loving people. |
CHALLENGE: Love your way out of loneliness. Try it this week. Make it your determination to get to know people around you rather than trying to make yourself known. Make time for extra long quiet times. Right now Im on break, so if I can spend 1- 2 hours with the Lord, then I will, but when at school I usually spend 30- 45 minutes with the Lord in the morning. Let the Spirit lead you, but cut out time of dead silence- a morning date- just you, the Word, and God. What you reap in the time you spend with Him is what you will sew. Then be small this week, take the position of "second" this week, and love people. Write a note to yourself and post it where you will see it every morning (ex. bathroom mirror) and write on it, "Love God, Get to know God. Love People, Get to know people. I will not make myself known to people this week, rather I will make God known. I will not make myself known to people this week, rather I will get to know people this week." Journal your weeks journey in your prayer journal and take note of what God teaches you every step of the way, ad watch your perception of you being loneliness be dramatically altered.
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